Lena

Writing it Down.

January 19, 2016 By Lena

When I was 14-years old, I started a diary. It coincided with the beginning of high school. I was a fresh-faced “minor niner” and suddenly, my world became a lot more interesting. There were new friends, new crushes and of course, a new set of important tasks that almost overshadowed my education (where does one buy the perfect grunge-inspired plaid shirt to go with Revlon’s Blackberry lipstick?). And when I was happy, troubled or somewhere in the middle, I wrote.

I wrote about my insecurities and my fears. I jotted down unsolicited opinions on everything from the length of a mean girl’s kilt to the blueness of my crush’s eyes. I wrote about my first boyfriend and my first heartbreak. And most of all, I wrote about my hopes for the future. I wrote about having a job I loved, exactly two sons (it was always my preference), and of course, meeting my prince in shining Burberry sunglasses. Funny how things work out, huh?
let go I wrote in a first, second, third…. seventh diary throughout my high school years and even into my first year of university. I can’t describe the sense of relief I felt as I unloaded my feelings. My diary didn’t judge me, offer unsolicited advice or spill my secrets. It was a form of much needed therapy through a period of angst and personal discovery. …

Unscheduled Time Off.

September 4, 2015 By Lena

I’m not really good with ambiguity.

I have a strong Type-A personality and like things to follow the invisible manuscript that hovers above my head. Order is good; change is tolerated… the unknown is downright suffocating.

And this summer, I’ve been thrown for a loop.

Our family has had family illnesses and emergencies; property theft and damage, cancelled vacations, new jobs and new roles, and through it all, I’ve had the ever-challenging tasks of raising two boys, managing a household and running a business.

(I’m not complaining, I swear. Just an average day in the life of every mom, everywhere.)

Of course, *just* when I thought we were smooth sailing into September, I had some more unscheduled time off. This time, it started with a little boy’s tummy ache in the wee hours of morning… which escalated to emergency surgery in the late hours of night. Oh, my heart.
insta2 I am so happy to report that Reid is healing and recuperating well after his bout of acute appendicitis. In fact, he’s doing more than well – he has refused all pain medication and we actually have to caution him not to run and jump!

Kids: Overcoming obstacles like a boss since the dawn of time.

I’ll do my best to catch up! In the meantime, wishing all my readers a healthy, happy and productive September! Make it a great one!

2015: Great Expectations

January 6, 2015 By Lena

Happy New Year! 2015 is officially underway, and I am officially stoked! I have only one goal this year – make it the BEST year ever! (But no pressure, right?)
Great-Expectations_png_630x529_q85 This January feels a *teeny* bit different from the past few years, in that my normal ramp-up time has poofed! into thin air. Whereas I usually have a month or two to get my bearings, send out pitches, sign contracts and line up work, I feel as though I’m already off to the races. And trust me, I’m not complaining! I’m incredibly grateful and so fortunate to know that my year is already shaping out to be a success. It’s a wonderful feeling!

So, what can you expect from me in 2015? As always, I’ll be multi-tasking to the extreme, and will be holding down a variety of “jobs”. I hope you’ll join me for the ride!

1. Mother: Employed since 2008, I will always have this role. It brings me the most joy, the most stress, and certainly the most fulfillment. (Although, I would never want to be subjected to a performance evaluation.)

2. Spouse: Employed since 2007, one of the easiest jobs I’ve ever had – but that may have something to do with the fact that I married my perfect match.

3. Writer: Oh blog, I just can’t quit you. Writing stories – right here on Listen to Lena, my favourite online space in the world – is something I can’t see myself giving up any time soon. Of course, this blog would be nothing without my readers. And to all those who take the time to stop by each day, I have nothing but love for you. Thank you.

4. Social Outreach: I belong to two amazing ambassador programs – #WalmartMomCA and #HBSocialKitchen. But, I’ll let you in on a not-so-little secret – I also manage both programs behind the scenes. Yes, they’re my babies! I conceptualized, presented and successfully negotiated the terms of both ambassador programs. And, working closely with amazing PR professionals and a talented group of online influencers, I’ll continue to lead the discussion and execute the monthly campaigns. …

Welcome to My NEW Website!

September 13, 2014 By Lena

Come on in! Make yourself at home. Take a look around (but don’t look too closely, as I’m still ironing out the glitches). Welcome to my brand new website; a little more grown up, a little more sass.

This project was a long time in the making, because frankly, I was pretty attached to my old site. But when my trusted design guru, Juan Beltran, convinced me that he could create an even better site than the first one he conceptualized for me, I gave in. “Have at it,” I said. “Impress me.”

So, he set out to design a custom website that is inspired by the unique elements of my old Listen to Lena site, while introducing new touches that modernize the overall look. And I couldn’t be happier! It looks like me. It feels like me. It is me.

There’s a reason I have design gurus in my life.

So stay a while! I hope you love the refresh as much as I do.

Their Not Interchangeable and Never Will Be

August 8, 2014 By Lena

If you caught the grammatical error in my post title, Hallelujah! We can be friends.

I found this post from August 2010 – almost four years ago to the day!

“Lately, I’m finding more and more people simply don’t take the time to use the words there, their and they’re in their proper context. Frankly, unless you’re in second grade and have yet to learn the subtleties of grammar and pronunciation, you really have no excuse. There, I said it. It all comes down to this silly notion that intelligence is constantly conveyed in everything that we do.”

Okay, I was pretty self-righteous, no?? But you know what? I’m not going to apologize for it. I am a proud grammar cop! And in the last four years, I can only say I’ve become worse – kind of like a crotchety old man on a park bench. Back to my post –

“I wouldn’t dare insult you by posting the different uses of the three words; I’m under the assumption that we all know what they mean and how to correctly insert them into a sentence. What I am going to say, especially to the violators, is please, take a moment to proofread your work. Anal-retentive perfectionists such as myself (who clearly have a lot of time on their hands) take offense to those who don’t show respect for the English language. Some actually exhibit a marked rise in blood pressure when confronted with this popular grammatical error. Trust me, they’re out there.”

I went on to bash people like only a blogger with mildly inflated readership can do, but over the years, I’ve learned to bite my tongue and reserve judgement for whale poachers and fashion criminals.

As such, I had put the post out of my mind almost completely – until recently, when Weird Al Yankovic validated every. freaking. word with his new single and video, Word Crimes. It’s like he wrote it for me, and other grammar snobs (we tend to stick together, since few people can stand us).

Do you have any grammatical pet peeves?

You Say Tomato, I Say Tomahto

April 23, 2014 By Lena

If you don’t know, I’m hosting a Twitter Party tonight for #RoyaleTigerTowel Paper Towels. And in chatting with an old friend, she casually asked,

“So, does Ryder still call paper towels f**k?”

WHAT?? Oh Lord. Memories immediately came flooding back. It’s true! Ryder used to call paper towels f*ck. Here’s a post I wrote in 2010 – when Ryder, as an impressionable toddler, picked up on my potty mouth and in a nanosecond, completely erased any mommy cred I had. Sigh.

August 20, 2010

I say paper towels, Ryder says f**k.

WHAT??

Okay, it’s all my fault. I broke the cardinal rule of parenting – Whatever You Do, Do Not Swear in Front of Your Child. And not only did I break it, but my infraction took place at a time when Ryder only needs to hear a word once to add it to his vocabulary. Sheesh.

It was three weeks ago, and I was lining my eyes with a soft black eyeliner in the bathroom. Ryder came in to observe (he likes watching mommy play with all the pretty pots) and I basically ignored him, going about my business as usual. Just as I was admiring my handiwork, out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Ryder had completely unrolled the toilet paper – leaving it in tufts on the floor.

“F**K!” I yelled.

He looked at me with wide eyes, pointed at the toilet paper, and said “F**k.”

“No, no, no,” I corrected. “That’s toilet paper. TOI-LET PA-PER. Say it, Ryder – Toilet Paper.”

He stared at me blankly. Whatever, we’re cool. No harm done. I calmly re-rolled the toilet paper to the best of my abilities and took him downstairs for breakfast.

Did you ever notice how paper towel rolls look like giant toilet paper rolls? Ryder did. And he then pointed to the paper towel roll on the counter top and declared, “F**k.”

Lord Jesus, what have I done.

I corrected him once again. And the next day. And the next day. I tried diversion: “Did you mean truck, Ryder? Because that’s not a truck, that’s a paper towel roll.” I tried correcting him: “Oooh, that is a bad word, sweetheart, you shouldn’t say it.” And I even tried begging: “Please, please, please, say PA-PER TO-WEL, come on, say it for mommy.”

Nothing doin’.

Now like most toddler phases, I was prepared to wait it out, reasoning that sooner or later he would forget the baddie and accept that “paper towels” is in fact the preferred term for tiny towels made of paper. But you know what really blows? The fact that he finds it necessary to point out the f**k to everyone who visits my home. Grandma has seen the f**k. My girlfriend was passed a f**k. Even Ryder’s great aunt was offered a f**k. And then I invariably turn beet red as I try to explain why my baby boy is cussing out the paper goods.

Oh well. Walmart’s got a good price on paper towels this week. Time to stock the f**k up.

2014: New Beginnings. And Hats.

January 3, 2014 By Lena

Back in my corporate days, I seldom appreciated the expression, “He wears a lot of hats”. Like, what exactly does that mean? Surely the employee was hired to do one job – so why bother taking on one, two or even three more roles? I couldn’t fathom why someone would want to wear another hat, so to speak. I couldn’t understand the need to constantly be busy… working a deadline… juggling balls in the air. Or as we like to call it on resumes: multitasking.

“Job incumbent XYZ has a keen ability to multitask and take on new responsibilities.”

And so, I was happy to fly under the radar; being outwardly ambitious while biding my time, knowing it was time for a change. And that change came in the form of maternity leave – in addition to being awarded a sweet little baby, I had twelve long months to care for him… and reinvent myself.

For a while, I wore two hats: mommy, and blogger.

Then, slowly but surely, I began to gain a new respect for multitasking. I began to look at my new hobby as a career, and my new career as a challenge. And I acknowledged that I didn’t graduate with a Bachelor of Commerce, and I didn’t toil in an office cubicle for nearly a decade, to simply wear one hat. For the first time in my life, I was ready – and excited – to take on more.

And then it clicked! All the times I’d regarded managers with disdain – all those times I’d rolled my eyes at those directors who wore “hats” – perhaps it wasn’t because they were overworked. Perhaps they weren’t taking on more work for the same pay. Perhaps they were simply ambitious individuals who loved their jobs. Who loved their contributions. Who loved life.

I’ve realized that you all know me at www.listentolena.com, but you may not know about some of my “side jobs”.

This year, I will wear the following hats:

1. Mother: Employed since 2008, I will always have this role. It is the “job” that brings me the most joy, the most stress, and certainly the most fulfillment. Although I would never want to be subjected to a performance evaluation.

2. Spouse: Employed since 2007, one of the easiest jobs I’ve ever had – I could actually do it with my eyes closed. But that may have something to do with the fact that I married my perfect match.

3. Writer: The truth is, I used to refer to myself as a “blogger”. I mean, this is a blog post I’m publishing, no? But as the years went by (employed since 2008), I realized that with the high caliber of my writing, professionalism and ability to consistently produce stellar content, I was actually selling myself short. Hence, I’ve now embraced my new job description: writer.

(Of course, as my blog – and writing – provide a vehicle for online influence, you may also find me as a Brand Ambassador/ Spokesperson for many of the products I love.)

4. Social Strategist: This year, I’ll continue working with Chatelaine to develop their Tasters and Testers panel. Cultivating the influence of bloggers across Canada, we’ll build a group of ambassadors that are passionate about food, fashion and lifestyle.

5. Social Outreach: In 2014, I’ll be heading up the #HBSocialKitchen blogger panel for Hamilton Beach Canada. Working closely with a talented group of online influencers, I’ll lead the discussion and manage the monthly campaigns.

6. Social Outreach: I’ll also be managing the blogger outreach for Werther’s Original, a new (and decidedly delicious) client. With tasty new offerings this year, it’s a treat (pun intended) to work with them.

7. Social Media Consultant: Once again, I’ll be partnering with PR companies and brands to develop best practices for working with bloggers. (This is a continued role since last March, when I was asked to speak on a panel at the Canadian Public Relations Society’s #PRBootcamp.)

8. Twitter Party Host: After hosting / moderating over 50 Twitter Parties in 2013, it’s safe to say that I may have a party (or two) on the radar this year. And, this year I have an exciting new collaboration: I’ll be co-hosting a monthly #FamilyTravelCA chat to discuss all things related to family vacations. Tune in on the last Tuesday of each month!

Okay, so eight hats. But you know what? It doesn’t feel like multitasking. It doesn’t feel like work. It feels awesome.

And Now, A Word from Our Sponsor

December 15, 2013 By Lena

Hello Friends!

So wonderful to have a moment to chat with you. With the hustle and bustle of the season, I realize that it’s been a long time since I’ve had an opportunity to just write for the pure enjoyment of writing… which technically, is the reason I’m blogging today.

I took a peek at my site this morning, and was pretty surprised by the amount of sponsored content. Normally, I pride myself on having a good balance of organic posts (fashion boards, beauty reviews, my boys’ exploits and more) to sponsored (brand-driven) posts. However, with the holidays right around the corner, it’s no surprise that many companies are jostling for advertorial space on popular Canadian blogs, including my own.

So here’s the deal. I know that I’ve been talking about brands lately. Between Twitter Parties, sponsored posts and reviews – not to mention home renos, shopping experiences and travel – I agree that my organic posts are sorely lacking. However, sponsored content pays my bills, gives my children experiences they wouldn’t normally have, and enriches my life through product and service discoveries. Hence, I’m asking you to please bear with me during the holiday season as I navigate through my list of “to-do’s”. I too am looking forward to the new year, with a less crazy content calendar, and more time to write simply for the pleasure of writing.

In the meantime, please know that I put the same dedication and creativity into writing sponsored content, always with the aim of making the article entertaining and informative for you. Thanks for sticking with me through the busy holiday season! When things settle down, I promise to post a colourful beauty board (did you check out my Radiant Orchid roundup?) and share those predictable, unavoidable “Only Lena!” moments. Hugs and Kisses, friends!

P.S. I’ve made the monumental decision to spend every evening watching holiday specials with the boys. Hence, if you find me MIA on social media this week, it’s because I’ve treated myself to a peppermint hot chocolate, fuzzy pink slippers, and two boys who believe in the magic of Christmas. Sounds like the perfect way to savour the season!

Two Thousand, One Hundred and Ninety-Two Days

July 7, 2013 By Lena

Today, I celebrate two thousand, one hundred and ninety-two days with the love of my life.

“On this day I will marry my best friend; the one I laugh with, live for, love.”…

A Mom by Any Other Name…

July 1, 2013 By Lena

*EDIT – JULY 1st, 2013*

Sometimes, I’ll look back on an old post that I published years ago, and chuckle to myself – thinking about the “problems” I once faced. In this instance, I was going through a phase (a terribly long one, mind you) where Ryder referred to me by my first name. Yes, it bothered me. Enough to write a blog post! He called me “Lena” for much longer than was tolerable, and at one point, it really, really hurt me.

But just like that, he grew out of it… and has called me “Mommy” ever since. Often hundreds of times per day – in a raspy, whiny voice that from time to time, grates at my nerves. “Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY!”

(However, I won’t complain. I’ve earned my title, and I cherish every single “Mommy” that leaves his sweet mouth.)

And so, won’t you take a trip down memory lane with with me? This blog post was originally published on September 6, 2011 – so Ryder would have been just about 3.5 years old; his little brother, 1.5 years old. Is it strange that I have a hard time remembering this phase? I fear that life is speeding by way too quickly. Sigh.

Readers, I have a problem.

Now I suppose I should toss out a quick disclaimer: I have my health, my kids are well fed, and for the moment, we do have a roof over our heads. So in the grand scheme of things, perhaps it isn’t a biggie.

An inconvenience? A concern? Regardless.

Ryder calls me “Lena”. And I can’t get him to stop.

I know, I know, I know it shouldn’t bother me. Not much, anyways. Many friends and family members actually think it’s kind of cute. And for a while, even I thought it was rather enduring: Ha ha, my son calls me by my first name.

Now, it drives me crazy.

I’m not exactly sure why he prefers addressing me as “Lena” – after all, it hardly has an interesting ring to it, right? Let’s be real, it’s not “Desirée” or “Katerina” and furthermore, I spend the equivalent of 6 hours per day rambling off phrases such as “Give it to Mommy,” “Mommy said NO!” and “Come hold Mommy’s hand”… so… what the hell? And I AM his Mommy, right? I pick out his clothes, kiss his boo boos, cut his grapes in half and jump on Google for every symptom he’s ever had (or I’ve thought he’s had, which includes, but is not limited to, shingles, bee stings and leprosy).

So… what the hell?

It’s been getting worse, friends. Last week, while taking a Popsicle out of the freezer for him, he looked at me pointedly and said, “Don’t lick it, Lena. That’s MY Popsicle.” Sure, I can deal.

Later that day, I accidentally spilled milk all over the counter due to a milk bag malfunction.

“What the hell, Lena?” he observed. (Yes, it’s indeed horrible that those exact words came out his mouth, but I will be the first to admit that I burst out laughing when he said it. I think this Mommy needs to watch her own potty mouth.)

But my absolute breaking point was while we were in Gymboree last week. Sorting through some of their cute fall merchandise, a salesperson sidled up to me.

“He’s so cute!” she gushed.
“Thank you,” I crooned. “Do you like this top, Ryder?”
“I don’t like it Lena!” he screamed. “Let’s go home Lena. Want to play cars.”
“Oh!” the salesperson gushed. “Are you his nanny? Or an aunt?”

Great.

No, I’m his mother,” I retorted tersely.
“Ah, a stepmom. I thought so… I didn’t want to say, but I was trying to find the resemblance.”

B*tch….

Read More

The Not-So-Viral Picture You Loved

June 9, 2013 By Lena

There are so many buzzwords in social media today: trending, clickability, engagement, advertainment… I could go on. And on.

But the single most overused buzzword? Viral. As in, “My Facebook post went viral! It was liked and shared a gazillion times.”

Amazing! And having a “viral” post or picture is certainly a measurement of success – one that should be both applauded and respected. (Unless you’re spamming people with voting requests, “earn $100/hour” ads or funny animal pictures. Then you’re not a viral success; you’re a douche.)

Unfortunately, I’ve never experienced the high of having a viral post or image, but I have received amazing feedback and engagement from a few posts in particular. It’s a nice feeling! Of course, when I published the following picture last Thursday, clearly I had no idea it would be received so well…

It’s just a photo of me and the Director of Menu Management at McDonald’s Canada, Anne Parks – from the post They Came. They Tasted. They Savoured the Flavour. I didn’t think much about it until over the course of the next few days, my inbox was filled with questions about my hair, beauty routine, makeup and wardrobe. Er… I’m flattered, friends!

And while I would normally just respond to e-mails individually, I thought this was a great way to share the “secrets” of my beauty routine. (Prepare to be underwhelmed. Seriously – I’m pretty much no-frills and no-fuss.) Below is a collection of questions I received stemming from the photo I posted on Thursday – except the first, which I received a few weeks ago and just had to include!

Hi Gorgeous – Do you do botox?!? Your skin is flawless. Secret safe with me if its a yes – please tell me where you go! xo – R

LOL! I wish I was interesting enough to have a reason to botox, but alas, the kindergarten carpool in sweatpants does not necessitate a smooth and wrinkle-free forehead. I am, however, blessed with good genes – and I do use a “miracle” cream called Olay Regenerist Micro-Sculpting Serum. It is seriously the best thing you can ever put on a problem area; just a few dabs on fine lines and they disappear like magic.

Since I only use it from time to time (usually for big events), I’ve had the same bottle for almost three years! A little goes a looong way.

Love your orange dress! Where did you get it? – A

It’s my “little orange dress” from the Old Navy Fall/Winter 2013 collection. A steal at under $30; it originally came paired with a black belt, but I swapped it for a pink belt to add a punch of fun colour!…

They’re Actually My Favourites Too

January 8, 2013 By Lena

This morning, I was up at the *enviable* hour of 4:30am. I know, you’re totally jealous, right?

Truth is, I made the colossal mistake of falling asleep after reading Ryder a bedtime story (turns out the Three Little Pigs can induce slumber in 34-year-olds as well) and so, felt very refreshed after 8 hours of sleep. Ack! I was wide awake. And so I had nothing to keep me company but 7-hour old status updates on Facebook and a plethora of auto-tweets on Twitter.

(Seriously, don’t schedule your auto-tweet for 4:30am. You know you’re not tweeting, I know you’re not tweeting, and it somehow feels cheap to read computer-generated “interaction”. If you’re going to pre-schedule promotion for your company or blog, at least do it at an hour when you can respond to follower feedback.)

So right about now you may be wondering… if you’ve been wide awake for the last 5 hours, how come you couldn’t be bothered to come up with a post? (Technically, THIS is the new post so I did accomplish something.) The truth is, I spent my time reading through my “Reader Favourites.” They’re the posts listed on the ride side of my blog; just scroll down for about 2 seconds. These are little snippets of my life that recount my journey as a mother, woman and human being who is far from perfect. For the most part, I’ve written them on a whim with little thought into the direction of the posts, or how they would be received. Nevertheless, as much as they’re reader favourites, they’re my favourites too.

And so I think I’ll take a break from blogging this morning and indulge in a trip down memory lane. Want to know me better? Just scroll down the right sidebar, or click here, and read some of the posts that define me. Have a great day!

Video Killed the Radio Star…

September 18, 2012 By Lena

… and the Keyboard Killed my Penmanship.

As I’ve been trying to show Ryder how to write his name, I can’t help but notice that my penmanship SUCKS. This morning, as I watched him struggle with loops and lines, I thought to myself – “I’ve written about my crappy writing before, haven’t I?”

And so I hunted up this post from over two years ago. Sadly, my writing has now progressed from kind-of-sucky to sucks eggs.

– July 2010 –

I used to have the most stylized, idyllic cursive handwriting. Even as a young one, adults marveled at my perfect 75° right tilt and fluid curves. Little girls passed notes to me and wanted to be my friend. Boys looked at me and thought… “what a nerd”. (Two out of three isn’t bad.)

But now, after countless years of MS Word, e-mailing, texting – even using apps to assemble my grocery list – my handwriting strongly resembles that of an eleventh grade quarterback. In fact, I sometimes wonder if it’s possible to lose a skill entirely from lack of use, because it’s PAINFUL to write. My hand forgets what to do with a pen. The first few lines are generally passable, with minimal flair. Yes, I can actually form legible words.

By the second paragraph it looks like I had a stroke. The letters all mesh together and run off the page in a sloping line. Painful. And so I’ve adjusted to the sloppiness by keeping all greeting cards to a two-line minimum; no soul-baring notes from moi. When asked to fill out forms, I counter with “do you have a writable PDF version?” And given the choice of hand writing in a journal, disclosing all my secret hopes and dreams – or blogging for the entire world to see… well, I guess we know how that turned out.

What about you? Has your penmanship suffered?

Are Flipper Feet in My Future?

April 20, 2012 By Lena

I’m filing this one under: AGING SUCKS.

And, it does the WEIRDEST things to your body.

Case in point: I’ve been a size 7 shoe for almost my entire life – certainly ever since my foot stopped growing around the age of sixteen. If you don’t believe me, you can ask my bestie – a confirmed size 7 whom I often swapped footwear with during our clubbing days (noticeably CFM* boots).

(*If you don’t know what CFM boots are, you’ll have to Google it. Sorry, I’m too old to use that kind of language.)

Anyhoo, I noticed a strange trend over the past few months – shoes that I’ve worn for YEARS suddenly felt very uncomfortable near the toes. The shoes clearly were too tight – my feet ached in protest if tried to slip them on for any length of time. Huh?

So last night, I had my husband bring up a storage box filled with old shoes – the ones I was hesitant to give away (hoping the style would recycle in the not-to-distant future). There were shoes and shoes and shoes.

And none of them fit. They were ALL too small. What.the.hell.

Exhibit A: These Barbie by David Dixon shoes were worn when I was 35 weeks pregnant. Do you know what women’s feet look like when baby-to-be is due? They’re swollen, take on manatee-like proportions and often lack a certain sex appeal.

(Of course, I’m still rocking my creepy skeletal feet, but trust me, they were quite larger than what I’m used to.)

And so when I came across the shoes last night I naturally thought, “These will fit for sure! If they fit while I was pregnant, certainly I can get into them now!”…. Yeah, not so much. Waaaay too tight.

So what gives? According to Terence Vanderheiden, D.P.M., “Feet can increase in size as you get older. Your feet are not really growing, but the tendons and ligaments tend to get stretched out and this leads to a larger foot size.” Also, weight gain (perhaps from 2 pregnancies in 2 years?) can also place pressure on the feet, slowly stretching and loosening the muscles.

The result: Mama needs some new shoes!

I have decided to embrace my newly size 8 feet and look forward to re-building my shoe collection, one pair at time. To begin, let’s start by coveting these colour block looks from Town Shoes:

Have your feet changed size over the years? I’d really like to think I’m not the only one!

Thirty-Four Things

April 13, 2012 By Lena

For the last three years, I’ve had a blog tradition – on my birthday, I’ve listed 31/32/33 things that I love. Last year, my list looked like this.

But today, I’m at a loss – after all, I’ve cumulatively listed close to 100 things I love! I’m running out of ideas. So this year, I thought I’d share 34 tidbits that you may not know about me. I mean sure, you know I have two little boys and spend a lot of time blogging, but did you know:

1. I have an irrational fear of all spiders after coming face to face with a tarantula when I was three years old.
2. In grade nine, I rolled my kilt to make it shorter (Catholic high school uniform, rolls eyes).
3. I love the spicy, pungent taste of raw garlic.
4. My feet are AAA width. It takes on average 254 days to find a shoe narrow enough to fit my grossly skeletal feet.
5. Before I became a mom, I was a Corporate Trainer for a Fortune 100 Company. I excel in the boardroom.
6. I check the time every 5-6 minutes. It’s a nervous habit I can’t seem to break.
7. I have the most annoying laugh in the world. Kind of like “donkey meets Fran Drescher”.
8. My high school boyfriend cheated on me with a stripper (and later, married her).
9. I love being the center of attention, but enjoy sharing the spotlight even more.
10. Nails on a chalkboard is fine. Cutting into a squeaky apple? Ugh!
11. I met my husband on Lavalife, an online dating service.
12. I don’t have a favourite vacation spot, because I’ve done very little travelling.
(As soon as the boys are a little older, I plan to rectify this.)
13. I’ve obtained a signed declaration from my hairdresser that at 34 years old, I don’t have a single gray hair.

Okay, I seriously can’t go on. Oh wait, I just thought of another one:

14. Although I like talking about the things I love, I have trouble talking about myself.

Have a great weekend friends! I intend to celebrate, as always, with cake and Coca-Cola!

“Ram”ming it in My Face

March 26, 2012 By Lena

It happens every year around this time. Which shouldn’t really surprise me, because people’s birthdays are usually celebrated on the same date year after year. Still, I get very surly and sour when I realize we have entered into that particular sign of the zodiac called ARIES.

Aries: The Ram
March 21st to April 20th

The Good: Enthusiastic and confident, dynamic and quick-witted.
The Bad: Impulsive and impatient.
The Ugly: Moody. Short tempered. Self-involved.

Now I truly have nothing against Ariens, per se, because I happen to share the sign! Yup, proud April baby over here. But I have prejudices just the same, and they happen to lie with with a whole bunch of people from my past – my exes, to be precise. ALL of my ex-boyfriends are Ariens. ALL of them.

It’s not like I chose men based purely on their astrological makeup; instead, it was purely a coincidence that I found myself attracted to the person first, and found out about their zodiac sign second. In fact, I didn’t even recognize a pattern until the third or fourth boyfriend – when I noticed that I was constantly buying cards and gifts in close proximity to my own birthday. After that, I made a conscious effort to uncover a guy’s sign from the start – and was floored to find out that I regularly seemed to gravitate towards energetic, confident, and impulsive men.

Or maybe it was the moody, impatient and self-involved traits I craved.

As one friend suggested, it’s possible that I just enjoyed seeking out others who shared the same qualities as me; a fellow member of the sign. Whatever the explanation, I’ve had five previous boyfriends, all Aries. I briefly dated two other men, also Ariens. And I think I may have had a drunken make-out session at some point… I’m not too clear on the details, but years later (through the magic of Facebook) I am very aware of one detail: he’s an Aries too.

And I suppose the common denominator here is that they’re all defective (trust me) in some way – or I’d still be with one of them, right? Perhaps the whole Aries-on-Aries cocktail does not mix well in my case.

So back to my surly mood. It’s “Ex-Boyfriend Birthday Season!” That’s right, folks – for the next few weeks, I’ll be constantly reminded of all my exes, thanks to my inability to forget “significant” dates. I took the liberty of posting their pictures and birthdays (in order of relationship) so you too can celebrate along with us:

Okay so that’s not really them, but I think I did a good job of capturing their likeness. A bonus: the conversation wasn’t awkward at all when my husband caught me customizing the pictures. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Just creating cartoons in the likeness of my ex-boyfriends,” I responded. (Three second pause.) “Okay. When’s dinner?”

By the way, in case you’re wondering, years ago I finally met a great guy who wasn’t an Aries. So I did the only logical thing: I married him.

Waiting For Tonight

March 23, 2012 By Lena

Last night I came across a piece of history – a relic, if you will – a jar of glitter gel from the ol’ clubbing days. It was the cheap kind that I’m fairly certain I scooped up from the “4 for $5.00” tray at Claire’s. My BFF and I would liberally spread the grape-scented glitter on our cheeks, clavicles and arms in an attempt to sparkle under the club’s strobe lights.

(It wasn’t hard. Trust me, we showed A LOT of skin.)

The once shimmery gel has since hardened into a gluey, funky-smelling substance – although the jar doesn’t explicitly list an expiry date, I’m thinking they didn’t have 14 years crammed into an old makeup bag in mind. But it’s not so much the ancient artifact that has me nostalgic; rather, it’s the memories of what Fridays used to be like.

Hushed conversations on the phone at work.
Deciding what to wear; discussing in detail the case for black pants vs. little black dress.
Wondering if I had enough time to re-paint my toe nails.
Popping in a house music CD to get the blood pumping and my head bobbing.
Looping giant velcro rollers into my hair.
Doing sit-ups on the bedroom floor at 8:00pm.
Calling for last minute wardrobe checks.*

*This one makes me long for the days of yore more than anything else; it was the knowledge that I knew every single article of clothing in a friend’s wardrobe. If she said, “I’m wearing my orange tank top which make my boobs look great”, I instantly knew the tank top she was referring to. Because we hung out in casual clothes, went clubbing in dressy clothes and spent copious amounts of time shopping together; hence, all new purchases were mentally categorized as well. Today, not knowing what a friend will wear means that we don’t spend nearly enough time together. Le sigh.

Speaking of today, this is what my Friday looks like.

Checking online grocery flyers, looking for cheese on sale.
Sorting laundry into darks, lights and towels.
Wondering where to take the kids this weekend – animal farm or indoor playground?
Pulling on yet another pair of yoga pants. I don’t do yoga.
Making a mental note to gather all my tax info.
Nagging my husband to clean out the garage tomorrow.
Chatting with my BFF and asking what she’s up to for the weekend, but not really hearing her.

Sheesh. Perhaps I’ll run out and grab a new jar of glitter. What’s sexier than a sparkly mama pulling tots in a wagon?

My favourite throwback to the good ol’ days: Waiting for Tonight by Jennifer Lopez. Should I be pissed that she’s still living the same life as 1999? Um… probably not.

Paperwork (Tuesday) Makes Lena Sad

March 12, 2012 By Lena

Happy ~~Monday~~! Tuesday!

For all my TO-based readers, chances are you’re coming off a splendid weekend spent outdoors. 17 degrees Celsius – Holy Hannah!

And while I had every intention of answering the backlog of about 147 e-mails I have rudely accrued, alas, the sun and warmer temps called… and my inbox remained ignored.

Hence, I’ve declared today Paperwork ~~Monday~~ Tuesday and will aim to tirelessly pare down my messages from 969 to about 600. Surely that’s a start, no?

(I’m not really that popular – I just have e-mails from October 2011 that I still have to action in some way. I hate myself.)

In the meantime, I’ve been listening to an adult contemporary station and was instantly taken down memory lane with this beautiful, haunting duet from Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey: Where You Are.

Sorry Chris Brown and Rihanna – you can keep your tacky, foul-mouthed collaboration to yourself. Sigh, my heart belongs to this song circa 1999.

It’ Snot Fun, Said the Sickie

January 11, 2012 By Lena

Mmmkay, you knew this one was coming…

Top 10 Reasons Why Taking Care of Sick Children – When You’re Sick Too – Sucks:

10. The phrase “Shut Up and Leave Me Alone” pops into your head every 12 seconds.
9. You’re so busy/tired/dejected you forget to eat. And then you heat up canned soup at 9:30pm.
8. Enduring hours of Treehouse TV – enough to make you nauseous even when you’re healthy.
7. Having snot run down your face while you’re busy wiping your kid’s.
6. Staying up all night with one sick child and all day with the other.
5. Hearing your husband say “Poor Baby” while he’s sipping his Venti Macchiato at work. #ihateyou
4. Doling out “Bless You”, “Don’t Wipe Your Nose on Your Sleeve” and “You Feel a Bit Warm”. Repeat.
3. The incredible urge to lock yourself in your room and assume the fetal position.
2. Hearing your husband say “So I’ll be home late today…”
1. Realizing that you’re the mom. Ain’t no one bailing you out of this one.