fun

Ryder, The Four-Year-Old Face Bomber

January 4, 2013 By Lena

If there’s one thing I sorely need in 2013, it’s a camera with a faster shutter speed. Because really, it only takes 1/8 of a second for Ryder to face bomb our pictures, and apparently I’m not taking pictures fast enough.

Case in point: pictures from our recent family vacation to Walt Disney World. Sifting through the lot, I shuddered at the sheer amount of photos Ryder managed to face bomb. I swear it’s a skill; I’ll say, “Smile!” and I’m expecting to see something like this –

But then, the moment my finger hovers over the trigger for a second shot, THIS happens –

For lack of imagination, we call it “Ryder’s Ugly Face”. And boy oh boy, does he pull out that ugly face often. As soon as the picture is taken and I see the final result on the camera’s LED screen, I normally shriek and threaten Ryder within an inch of his life to stop ruining the family photos. He’s repentant for about 45 seconds… allowing me to snap an album-worthy shot or two. And then… BOOM! He drops another face bomb. For the love of God….

Happy Birthday Husband!

November 1, 2012 By Lena

It’s the most wonderful time of the year… Halloween is over, and Christmas preparations are in full swing!

(Not really, but I love eliciting upward eye rolls.)

And… it’s my husband’s birthday! For those of y’all counting, he’s officially waaay closer to 40 than 30, you know. Yup, I’m married to an old man.

I recently realized that I spend a lot of time gushing about how wonderful my boys are, but I rarely pay tribute to my husband. He’s just about the most affectionate person I’ve ever met (which is actually kind of stressful, being that I’m a non-PDA-please-don’t-touch-me-before-washing-your-hands kind of person), is smart, kind and funny, and he actually works two jobs – his day job, and his daycare job, taking care of the kids early morning and late night as I blog.

Here are some pictures of the man I love on our recent Royal Caribbean cruise (yes, Ryder IS a carbon copy of him):

…

I’ve Decided to Re-Name My Son “Don’t”

July 26, 2012 By Lena

So it occurred to me this morning that actually say “Don’t” to Ryder more often than I actually say his name.

Don’t jump.
Don’t touch that.
Don’t hit your brother.
Don’t eat that.
Don’t crawl behind there.
Don’t pull on that.
Don’t kick the back of my seat.
Don’t you dare give me that look.
Don’t say that.
Don’t scream like that.
Don’t stand there.
Don’t make a mess.
Don’t make that face.

Don’t DO that. (10x per hour, at least.)

Hence, I’ve decided to cease calling him Ryder, because he obviously responds more effectively to Don’t.

(Or maybe he doesn’t. But do I care at this moment? DON’ T think so!)

Friends, let’s all bow our heads and pray that I don’t decide to sell him for two Bon Jovi concert tickets.

Thirty-Four Things

April 13, 2012 By Lena

For the last three years, I’ve had a blog tradition – on my birthday, I’ve listed 31/32/33 things that I love. Last year, my list looked like this.

But today, I’m at a loss – after all, I’ve cumulatively listed close to 100 things I love! I’m running out of ideas. So this year, I thought I’d share 34 tidbits that you may not know about me. I mean sure, you know I have two little boys and spend a lot of time blogging, but did you know:

1. I have an irrational fear of all spiders after coming face to face with a tarantula when I was three years old.
2. In grade nine, I rolled my kilt to make it shorter (Catholic high school uniform, rolls eyes).
3. I love the spicy, pungent taste of raw garlic.
4. My feet are AAA width. It takes on average 254 days to find a shoe narrow enough to fit my grossly skeletal feet.
5. Before I became a mom, I was a Corporate Trainer for a Fortune 100 Company. I excel in the boardroom.
6. I check the time every 5-6 minutes. It’s a nervous habit I can’t seem to break.
7. I have the most annoying laugh in the world. Kind of like “donkey meets Fran Drescher”.
8. My high school boyfriend cheated on me with a stripper (and later, married her).
9. I love being the center of attention, but enjoy sharing the spotlight even more.
10. Nails on a chalkboard is fine. Cutting into a squeaky apple? Ugh!
11. I met my husband on Lavalife, an online dating service.
12. I don’t have a favourite vacation spot, because I’ve done very little travelling.
(As soon as the boys are a little older, I plan to rectify this.)
13. I’ve obtained a signed declaration from my hairdresser that at 34 years old, I don’t have a single gray hair.

Okay, I seriously can’t go on. Oh wait, I just thought of another one:

14. Although I like talking about the things I love, I have trouble talking about myself.

Have a great weekend friends! I intend to celebrate, as always, with cake and Coca-Cola!

“Ram”ming it in My Face

March 26, 2012 By Lena

It happens every year around this time. Which shouldn’t really surprise me, because people’s birthdays are usually celebrated on the same date year after year. Still, I get very surly and sour when I realize we have entered into that particular sign of the zodiac called ARIES.

Aries: The Ram
March 21st to April 20th

The Good: Enthusiastic and confident, dynamic and quick-witted.
The Bad: Impulsive and impatient.
The Ugly: Moody. Short tempered. Self-involved.

Now I truly have nothing against Ariens, per se, because I happen to share the sign! Yup, proud April baby over here. But I have prejudices just the same, and they happen to lie with with a whole bunch of people from my past – my exes, to be precise. ALL of my ex-boyfriends are Ariens. ALL of them.

It’s not like I chose men based purely on their astrological makeup; instead, it was purely a coincidence that I found myself attracted to the person first, and found out about their zodiac sign second. In fact, I didn’t even recognize a pattern until the third or fourth boyfriend – when I noticed that I was constantly buying cards and gifts in close proximity to my own birthday. After that, I made a conscious effort to uncover a guy’s sign from the start – and was floored to find out that I regularly seemed to gravitate towards energetic, confident, and impulsive men.

Or maybe it was the moody, impatient and self-involved traits I craved.

As one friend suggested, it’s possible that I just enjoyed seeking out others who shared the same qualities as me; a fellow member of the sign. Whatever the explanation, I’ve had five previous boyfriends, all Aries. I briefly dated two other men, also Ariens. And I think I may have had a drunken make-out session at some point… I’m not too clear on the details, but years later (through the magic of Facebook) I am very aware of one detail: he’s an Aries too.

And I suppose the common denominator here is that they’re all defective (trust me) in some way – or I’d still be with one of them, right? Perhaps the whole Aries-on-Aries cocktail does not mix well in my case.

So back to my surly mood. It’s “Ex-Boyfriend Birthday Season!” That’s right, folks – for the next few weeks, I’ll be constantly reminded of all my exes, thanks to my inability to forget “significant” dates. I took the liberty of posting their pictures and birthdays (in order of relationship) so you too can celebrate along with us:

Okay so that’s not really them, but I think I did a good job of capturing their likeness. A bonus: the conversation wasn’t awkward at all when my husband caught me customizing the pictures. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Just creating cartoons in the likeness of my ex-boyfriends,” I responded. (Three second pause.) “Okay. When’s dinner?”

By the way, in case you’re wondering, years ago I finally met a great guy who wasn’t an Aries. So I did the only logical thing: I married him.

It’ Snot Fun, Said the Sickie

January 11, 2012 By Lena

Mmmkay, you knew this one was coming…

Top 10 Reasons Why Taking Care of Sick Children – When You’re Sick Too – Sucks:

10. The phrase “Shut Up and Leave Me Alone” pops into your head every 12 seconds.
9. You’re so busy/tired/dejected you forget to eat. And then you heat up canned soup at 9:30pm.
8. Enduring hours of Treehouse TV – enough to make you nauseous even when you’re healthy.
7. Having snot run down your face while you’re busy wiping your kid’s.
6. Staying up all night with one sick child and all day with the other.
5. Hearing your husband say “Poor Baby” while he’s sipping his Venti Macchiato at work. #ihateyou
4. Doling out “Bless You”, “Don’t Wipe Your Nose on Your Sleeve” and “You Feel a Bit Warm”. Repeat.
3. The incredible urge to lock yourself in your room and assume the fetal position.
2. Hearing your husband say “So I’ll be home late today…”
1. Realizing that you’re the mom. Ain’t no one bailing you out of this one.

I’m Not Deaf; I’m Just Ignoring You.

November 23, 2011 By Lena

Before having children, I often took offense at the way mothers handled their whiny, annoying kids in public.

For Christ’s sake, shut them up! I’d silently pray. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

I often theorized that if I had a kid, there was no way in HELL I’d let him carry on like that, caterwauling like a demented lunatic. My offspring would be polite, well-mannered and conscious of their environment and those around them.

I believe the term is to “eat crow?”

The thing is… I get it now. I really do. As moms, it’s not that we think it’s reasonable to let our children go off on a tangent, audibly torturing everyone within a four-block radius. The simple truth is, we just don’t hear them anymore. Seriously, we are immune.

I call it the fuss filter.

And it comes from long hours of being subjected to whining, temper tantrums, crying fits, hissy fits, outbursts, “he touched me!”, shrieking, ranting, biting, repetitive insanity and the like. After a while, it takes us progressively longer to realize that someone is speaking, let alone screaming his head off. Fuss filter in full effect.

Last Saturday, I was at Wal-Mart with the kiddos.

Let’s see, I’ve gotta grab lotion, toothpaste, check for that silly DVD, get a surge protector, I think we’re out of paper towels, are Pampers on sale this week? Hmm… no, I hate paying full price (Want red car.) but I don’t want to put the little guy in the cheap diapers either, maybe I’ll check Loblaws and come back tomorrow if I need to… (Want red car.) … even though I rather not, should I just buy now?… (WANT RED CAR!) … I can’t believe there’s no freaking Tide Free laundry detergent. Does everyone use it or do they just refuse to keep it in stock? (WANT RED CARRR!!!!) And why do they have 12 different Febreze-scented… (WANT RED CARRR!!!! WANT RED CARRR!!!!! WANT! WANT! WANT!) …thingies. I can’t tell the difference. They all smell the same (WANT RED CAR) but I don’t think I want my house smelling of apples (WANT RED CAR) although…

“Huh? What?”
“WANT RED CAR!”
“Um no, you cannot have a red car. Now pipe down before you make a spectacle of yourself.”

Mmm…. crow.

Blogging Just to Blog

July 20, 2011 By Lena

Stop the presses! Could this actually be a post with no review or giveaway attached? Why YES, indeed it is!

As much as I love reviewing products and offering my awesome readers a chance to win, I’ve missed just jotting down my thoughts, rants, etc. So I decided to take an afternoon to just be Lena, and chat about some of the things that have been on my mind. Here we go:

1. I’m sick of summer. I know, I’m opening myself up to boos, hisses and strategically placed middle fingers when I say this, but the truth is, I.CAN’T.BREATHE. It’s so freakin’ hot! Every day seems to have a humidex value in the mid-thirties, and even with sun protection, I am burning to a crisp. Another little victim is poor Ryder – he’s been having massive nosebleeds on a daily basis that our pediatrician has attributed to the constant heat. I’m done with this season! “Paging: September.”

2. I just opened the fridge and was confronted with two 2L bottles: one was Coke Zero, the other, Coca-Cola. Even though the junk in my trunk dictates I should have reached for the Coke Zero, I decided to have just a sip or two of the real thing. When I twisted off the cap, a swirl of cold condensation looped out of the bottle, just like you see on TV. Diagnosis: delicious.

RANDOM PIC: ISN’T REID A DOLL?

3. How many of y’all keep a pack of chewing gum in your car? I used to all the time, until I noticed a warning on my pack of Excel: “Do not expose to extreme heat.” With the temperature today comparable to hell itself, I would suggest yanking gum, plastic bottles and other perishable goods (obviously) out of your automobile. There’s some evidence (myth? fact?) that when aspartame is heated, it releases a toxic chemical. Not sure if it’s an urban legend, but if Wrigley Canada doesn’t want to take chances, neither should we.

4. How come you can’t tickle yourself? Not that I spend copious amounts of time trying to get in cheap laughs, but I do tickle the boys – a lot – and the other day, Ryder said “Mommy tickle you.” So then I had to tickle myself and fake ridiculous laughter for two minutes. (Not that women know about faking things…) But seriously, why can’t you tickle yourself? Perhaps tickling belongs in the same camp as massages – someone else needs to do it to work.

RANDOM PICS: RYDER’S NEW SMILE.
THERE GOES HIS MODELLING CAREER.

SERIOUSLY, WTH?

5. I need a recommendation for a good frizz-fighting product. I’m just about to put L’Oréal’s Frizz Taming Creme Serum to the test, but let’s just say my hopes aren’t high. I’ve yet to find a product that can counteract Treasure Troll hair. I have my hair trimmed regularly, use a quality deep conditioner, and always spritz a leave-in with SPF when I’m in the sun for long periods of time. Still, fuzz city. Seriously, any reco’s?

That was a nice break! Now back to the Beauty Event! xo

The Green Goblin

June 21, 2011 By Lena

I’ll never forget the first time Ryder tottered over to our front lawn. A sea of green; he was anxious to test the waters. But there was just something about the look, texture or smell of the fuzzy carpet that made him stop dead in his tracks.

“Here you go!” my husband cajoled, plonking him right in the middle of the lawn.

And the water works began. He simply would not move his feet an inch, opting instead to cry while riveted on the spot. It literally took weeks before he ventured over again, and several more before he was able to tread grass without screaming his little head off. If I had to add it up, I’d say we spent hours coaxing him to take just one small step.

Two years later to the date, we’ve got another little guy terrified of the great green goblin.

Were your children afraid to walk on grass? Join the club!

The Sights, Sounds and Smells of Summer

June 10, 2011 By Lena

Ah… blogging just to blog. After an obligatory run of giveaways (more to come) it feels nice to just unwind with a chillin’ post. Which brings me to the title: The Sights, Sounds and Smells of Summer.

Last week, the whole family went out for a late afternoon stroll. Pulling the little guys in their wagon, we traipsed through the neighbourhood, basking in the warm summer day. As we turned on to a parallel street, I heard the faint sound of ethnic music drifting through an open window. Immediately, I was filled with nostalgia… but couldn’t nail down the exact memory.

We continued down the block, and within moments I felt yet another throwback to my youth: the pungent scent of Middle Eastern food wafting through a screen door.

And then it hit me: air conditioning killed the sights, sounds and smells of summer.

I began thinking back to my childhood; of my neighbours, who always had every window open and a constant stream of Portuguese folk songs bellowing a happy tune. Of the college kid around the corner who spent all summer in his open garage, working on his motorcycle (I may have had a tiny crush). I remembered the elderly lady across the street, who unfailingly greeted Saturday morning with a spicy curry you could smell for miles. And of people – friends, strangers, children of all ages – lounging on their balconies or the front porch. Kids circling the driveway on bicycles, skipping with one end of the rope tied to a railing. And all just to catch a hint of cool breeze… because the thought of staying in a sticky, hot, sweltering house was just not an option.

But that day, walking down that street… you’d think every single home was unoccupied. Doors and windows closed tight, not allowing one inch of precious bought-air to escape. The eerie quiet of citizens locked inside, with only the hum of air conditioners heard every few paces. The sun beating down on the back of my neck was the only factor that tied my childhood to the present.

How I miss the sights, sounds and smells of summer. Almost as much as I miss that green, polka dot romper.

The Danier Model Has Nothing on My Husband

September 11, 2009 By Lena

A few weeks ago, I blogged about the Danier Factory outlet, where you could save up to 70% off selected items. I also posted this picture:

Well, if you’ve ever taken a peep at some of the comments on my posts, you’ll notice that my husband reads my blog daily, and responded with:

“That jacket and my Marc Jacobs goggles works perfectly. Lets go. NOW!”

He wasn’t joking, you know. He literally dragged my to the Factory outlet that morning, and grabbed the exact same jacket in the picture. Before I could blink, the cashier was completing the transaction (oh, if only all purchases could be so easy!)

Anyhoo, since then, he’s been pestering me to post a picture of him in the jacket, so all my readers could see how hot he looks. (Rolls eyes)

I may be biased, but the Danier model has nothing on my husband. xoxo