Years ago – half a lifetime ago, to be honest – I started dating my first serious boyfriend.
We were seventeen and high school sweethearts, so of course I had already tacked his last name onto mine in my diary; dreaming of the days university would be over and he would seek my hand in marriage. I was mostly in love and terribly committed as only a teenager can be.
Three years into the relationship, and it was painfully evident we were hanging on just for the sake of hanging on. We fought constantly; had bitter words to say that were never totally forgotten after each passing fight, and the truth is, he was not growing into the dedicated paramour I had dreamed of, and I was not the free-spirited, easy-going girlfriend he had counted on.
We were doomed.
And so we would break up and make up – on and off for almost a year. Our first “official” break-up was in September 1999, but then, we could be seen going out here and there and even spending a long weekend together right up until August 2000.
Just before our final seperation in the summer of 2000, I began having a recurring dream.
It made absolutely no sense to me (and yet haunted me with a frequency of at least 1-2 times per week): in the dream, I would be working, driving, shopping, walking along a beach at night – really, insert any life scenario here – and I’d be licking a blue lollipop. But not just any lollipop; a big, round one… I suppose it would be slightly bigger than a Chupa Chup but smaller than a Big Mouth. It was hard to handle once in my mouth, but I kept at it just the same, trying to make it fit. I could taste the sweet, blue raspberry stickiness and just about get my teeth around it for a bite. But in the end – always, in the end – I’d pull it out of my mouth in frustration, and start smashing it against a hard surface until it shattered into pieces. And once among me, the sticky, blue mess, I’d feel a lot better.
After my boyfriend and I broke up for the final time, the dream stopped.
At the time, I didn’t pay the dream very much mind. I didn’t have to – this was before the days of Google Search when I could simply have an armchair analyst decode the dream in an instant.
However, as luck would have it, one of my friends was very much into “spiritual introspection” and had long since befriended an impressive assortment of tarot readers, Reiki massage therapists, psychics and of course, a dream interpreter. And that’s how I found myself at the home of a renowned spiritual healer who happened to specialize in dream analysis.
Since my breakup was still fresh, the recurring dream immediately came to mind – especially due to its remarkable frequency around the time of our parting. After listening to my tale, she offered the following interpretation:
The large lollipop represented our relationship, which was sweet, but did not fit in my life anymore. Trying to accommodate the lollipop showed that I wanted to hang onto the sweetness, if even for a moment… but in the end, knew that I had to break free. The act of smashing the lollipop to pieces symbolized me leaving the sweet, sticky mess behind and moving on.
“Why blue?” I asked.
“What colour are his eyes?” she replied.
“Oh. I see.”
That was the first and only time I had a dream analyzed by an expert. And one of only two recurring dreams.
The second recurring dream took place a couple of years ago. The outcome is different from the first: when I discovered what the dream meant, I used this knowledge to make a decision – rather than interpreting the dream after the decision had been made. Here’s what happened.
Over the course of several months, I dreamt that I was chewing a big, offensive piece of bubble gum. The wad was so ferociously large that I couldn’t even speak; so, I began pulling the gum out of my mouth, only to realize the harder I pulled, the more my mouth was overtaken by the pink stuff.
Of course, at this time I did have access to Google and armchair analysts, and actually came across another individual who posted this question on Yahoo! Answers:
“I keep having this recurring dream of pulling big wads of gum out of my mouth and teeth. I’m not really sure what it means but I have it every couple of weeks. And no matter how much I pull out and throw in the garbage there’s always more… I can’t really talk properly when its in my mouth and can’t even chew it. Does anyone have any idea what this dream could mean? Let me know please…”
After a quick search on dream interpretations, all arrows pointed to this:
“To dream that you are chewing gum suggests that you are unable to express yourself effectively. You may feel vulnerable. To dream that you are unable to get rid of your gum suggests that you are experiencing some indecision, powerlessness or frustration. You may lack understanding in a situation or find that a current problem is overwhelming. The gum in your mouth is a metaphor for something that you are trying to process or digest. Perhaps you feel that you have bitten off more than you can chew.”
And based on this quick interpretation I knew exactly what I needed to do: I quit the part-time job I had taken on. For months I had toyed with the decision; unable to say what was on my mind and absolutely having feelings of insecurity and frustration. Based on the interpretation of a dream, I made an important life decision.
As soon as I severed my ties with the employer, the dream stopped.
Now, the dream has returned. I’m duly frustrated because I just can’t pinpoint exactly what’s on my mind! I feel healthy, not stressed at all, have a tolerable work and family life and simply cannot figure out why this dream is back – at least 3 times in the past month. What is my internal struggle? Why do I feel vulnerable? What is going on? Only time will tell, I suppose. In the meantime, I can’t stand the sight of chewing gum of all kinds.
Have you ever had a recurring dream, or have had a dream analyzed? Do share!