This past weekend, while out and about running my errands, I met a very pleasant fellow mom as we waited in an endless grocery store express checkout.
(Truthfully, I noticed that she was totally breaking the “10 items or Less” rule, but I decided to turn a blind eye.)
However, in turning a blind eye to her grocery offense, I zoomed in on another offensive predator. YES, I am calling it a predator because I swear this thing had stalking abilities. And even though I inwardly cringed and outwardly took a small step back, I didn’t have the guts to say a word.
Wondering what the heck I’m referring to? Allow me to acquaint y’all with a post I wrote back in September 2009. I’ve decided to republish it because my attitude on the matter clearly hasn’t changed a bit. And, brownie points if you remember reading the post the first time around. Congratulations, we’re both 4 years older. Ugh. Read on…
It happens to everyone.
You’re speaking to a colleague, acquaintance, or someone you’ve just met. The conversation may begin with a simple “Hello!” or “Did you catch MasterChef last night?” – or perhaps you’re already deeply invested in a comfortable, amicable chat. And that’s when IT happens.
You notice an astronomically gigantic booger hang gliding from the person’s nostril.
ZOMG.
Now I’ll be the first one to tell people “Let me know! Don’t leave me looking like an idiot… it’s MORE embarrassing if you let me walk around with a mucous bomb on display!”
And you know what? That’s truly the way I feel. I WANT to know if I’ve got unruly hair, broccoli in my teeth, snot on my face, runaway eyeliner, a shiny nose… in essence, if I in any way fall short of perfection, you’d better speak now and for-NEVER hold your peace.
Don’t you agree? Yes? Yeeesss? Sure you do.
Then why do I stop and stare like a deer in headlights when I am confronted by a rebel booger? I immediately tune out of the conversation, mesmerized by this new discovery. I begin to strategize exactly how I will tell the person of their unwanted foe. Should I say, “Excuse me miss, you’ve got a little situation in your nose?” Do I discreetly hand over a tissue? Or do I point to my own nose, make a small wiping motion, and nod curtly while my eyes silently communicate “WIPE THAT GREEN SHIZ OUT OF THERE!”
Of course, the most simple solution would be to lean over and whisper “You may want to give your nose a little wipe” and then, if available, offer a tissue. Simple… yet ridiculously difficult for me to execute. I’m a hypocrite.
Now if this was someone close to me, of course I wouldn’t have a problem piping up. Heck, I’d even pull that nose goblin out of there with my own finger (who hasn’t done this to a child? Who? Or… a husband? Sorry hun).
Alas, my incessant fear of awkwardness has allowed me to find a way of dealing with this situation – I simply cut the conversation short and hope that someone else out there is a better person than I. Or that a powerful sneeze will rocket that snot ball at 25 MPH.
I’m not alone. Look at this photo. Toni Braxton was on the RED CARPET and nobody bothered to tell her about her “guest”… instead, the following headline was splashed across columns the next day: “Toni Braxton and Her Booger Hit the Red Carpet.”
NOT nice. But I can sympathize with the spineless attendees; while it seems so simple to say a few discreet words, it may be one of the hardest things to bring to someone’s attention. I’d personally rather tell someone their hamster died than inform them about nose candy.
What about you? Are you too afraid of the big, bad booger?
A friend of mine had an "Excuse Me Miss" moment not too long ago. She went to wipe, what she thought was jam off a colleague's chin and it was a REALLY bad pimple… How embarrassing… For both of them…
Just saying thank you for this 2009 comment :) And ewwww.
I'm with you Lena. I just pretend I didn't notice because I don't have the guts to say anything.
Another way-back comment – thank you!
Haha! I love the "booger" label! I'm guilty of this all the time! Once I've noticed offensive matter on someone's face or in their teeth, I back away quickly hoping it will become someone else's problem. It's funny how we're usually too embarassed to tell someone that they have green stuff in their teeth, for fear of embarassing them. Just one of those strange human things, I guess!That story about the pimple is hilarious!!!
Weird, another Shauna MacKenzie? Not many of us out there! Funny story Lena and I too am a total wuss when it comes to those things!
LOL Shauna that was your FIRST comment from back in 2009! (Check out the date on the comment.) Yep, you’re 4 years older, just like me, hahaha! Thanks for being such an awesome reader that you commented twice :)
Sadly, I am weak and don't tell them, unless it's someone I'm close to. I even have one friend to whom I would actually say, "You have a booger in your nose." And she does the same for me!
We all have those friends! Another back-in-the-day comment!
LOL love the red carpet photo.
Thanks Nicole-from-2009!
I am the mouthy one, I will tell you straight out, downed zippers, boogers, food in the teeth, eye goop you name it I will let you know. I would hate it if someone didn’t let me know and I walked around like that. And yes I am that lady that will pick your dress out of the back of your underpants.
Now the 10 items or less, probably not as I have been in a store where there was no one in that lane, the cashier told me to come over she would ring everything through and the next thing you know there is a line up then I feel like a dirt bag even though I did not do it deliberately lol
We ALL need friends like you, Debbie! And OMG I’m terrified when cashiers in the express lane wave me over for the same reason – at that moment you just know someone with 3 items will get in line behind you and then you feel like a loser!
Bwahaa! Too funny Lena. You do have a way with words that have me cracking up. You are right though, unless it’s a friend or family member, it’s very difficult to tell someone there is a booger hanging from their nose.
The question is, WHY are we such cowards? :)
LOL this post made me spit up my coffee lol Toni and her booger on the red carpet lmao Ok, seriously, I have no problem telling anyone they have an errant booger or anything else going on where is shouldn’t be going on!
“Errant booger” – LOL! That had me laughing out loud Anne!
haha, oh, been there .. on both sides of that coin. I usually will hand over a tissue and say “you need to blow” lol
You are a good person, Darlene!
Heheheheheheh Lena you crack me up!!!
Once while on a drive with my better half I had chocolate ice cream and yup it was on my face when we finally go to our destination some people I have never met were there and I had a face like messy kid AND NO ONE TOLD ME!! How embaressing!!! So now I just say it like it is (better to know)
Hahaha dried up chocolate ice cream looks like dirt! I know this because I have a 3-year old. Boo to your better half!!
Too funny !! I am now at an age where I will pipe up and tell someone (usually discreetly unless they don’t take the hint) about an “offender”. Come to think of it, I always did tell people I was talking to if I noticed. I suppose it is the “Monkey-Sagittarius” connection in my personality LOL.
Hahaha love that you’re a Monkey-Sagittarius – you have an innate sense of grooming! Or should I say “primate” sense!
nope I always say to anyone and this is actually what I say ‘you got a little something something” and then I do the hand gesture to the nose and hand a tissue to them (if I have one)
Good for you Chandra! We need more booger busters who aren’t afraid to speak up!
And now if she reads your Blog………. but too late now!!!!
Hahaha indeed!
OMG – this happened to me today on the school field trip I volunteered on…of course it’s easier to tell a kid than an adult, but with no tissues on hand, I just had to keep my eyes focused elsewhere!
As for me – I’ve had the wind/hair/lipgloss situation leaving a red stripe on my face…not the best look for the first time you meet hubby’s boss LOL! Hubby asks me later – why do you have a scratch on your cheek? Not a cut…darned sticky errant lipgloss!
Ooohhh… I had fuchsia lipstick on my chin last night from taking a super large bite of a wonton dumpling. Thankfully another party attendee alerted me to the fact – but I’ve had the errand lipstick stripe on an occasion or two :)
More often than not, I will speak up because if it were me, I would want to know. The worst is the tags hanging out of shirts. I saw a pretty dress on a woman…still had the price tag on it. I didn’t say anything then. There is a time and place for everything.
Tags I’m okay with. Easy peasy. Toilet paper stuck on shoe is another story….
Hahaha, awesome post! I’m the same – *I* would want to know if I had something funky going on, but I definitely feel way too awkward most of the time to mention to people when they do! Something I should work on! :)
Oh goody, another spineless person like myself :) We really should work on that, eh?
Oh Lena, you really have a way with words – so funny – you had me laughing…….. but I must admit that I don’t mind telling my family or friends of any booger hanging out but if I’m in conversation with someone I don’t know then I would really feel awkward telling them and would tend to look away.
Thanks Marissa! And tisk tisk!
Usually very outspoken I would not say a thing and cut the conversation short. I always think if I say something they will be embarressed so let them go home and think maybe no one seen it!
Ah… or maybe they would think EVERYONE saw it! hahaha
Thanks for the post and the laugh. I have to admit I am to chicken to say anything unless the person is close to me. I would just let them go on their way with the booger along for the ride.
LOL you made me laugh!! Along for the ride, priceless :)
Hah :) It happens to all of us – both ends of the story! I tend to be the person who will ALWAYS tell someone if they have food in their team/make up smeared/zipper down, etc… I would rather have a quick moment of awkwardness than have them walk around like that… and hope people would repay the favor to me when it inevitably happens :)
You are a good person, Soozle!
If it’s someone I know, I tell them. If they had some sort of debris on their jacket or hair then I’d tell them or if they had tissue paper on the bottom of their shoe, I’d tell them too. I can’t gather the courage to tell someone that there’s a little friend in their nose. In the past I have tried to make a gesture by touching my nose & make eye contact at the person hoping they would pick up the signal but that didn’t work
LOL MLV, if there’s one thing I love about the comments on this post, it’s the references such as “little friend in their nose!”
Sadly, I am a bit shy and probably wouldn’t tell them, unless it’s someone I’m close to or family.
I think you’re like most of us, Valerie :)
My worst experience was at the dentist years ago and he had a horrible cold, well you can imagine, just wrong! I’d want someone to tell me, but struggle telling others unless the moment is right or they are family. Great article!
OMG SO WRONG! I can just picture it – ew!
oh gosh you make me nearly pee laughing at times! *a lovely motherhood by-product! hahaha
Hahaha I hear that!
Oh my, this happened to me today at Walmart and all I could think of was this post. Did I say anything to her…..NOPE….just looked the other way and tried to ignore the creature coming out of her nose.
The creature! OMG dying of laughter!!!!
I have definitely piped up and told random strangers about wardrobe malfunctions or makeup mishaps, so I think I’d pipe up here too! It does take a little mental preparation for me to muster up the nerve to say something, but I’ve never gotten a bad response, so that helps.
My partner is THE WORST at alerting me to these things!! He’s not shy with me or anything, but he always claims that he hadn’t noticed… glaring things like my bra peeking out over my strapless dress, or the black pepper that’s been in my teeth since dinner three hours ago.
You are so good and forthcoming, Victoria! We all need to be like you!
Oh my, I’m sitting across the kitchen table from my husband. I have just finished reading your article “Excuse me Miss” and I am trying really hard not to burst out into a fit of laughter, while my husband focuses on his task at hand paying bills. I am a new reader of your blog and plan to visit on a regular basis. Thanks for my laugh of the day.
Thanks for stopping by, Alexa! For me, the reader comments are funnier than the article!
i told someone at gym yesterday they had alittle something something
LOL! I try to be conscientious about my appearance, but you never know…. one time I had trapsed the mall around and around, window shopping and just de-stressing. When I was leaving, I looked down, and saw my shirt had come completely unbuttoned, and there was no way it had just happened. Nobody had blinked an eye, perhaps they thought it was underwear as outerwear, but my plain “whities’ didn’t look like fashion. I was so embarrassed, but it also felt weird that nobody tittered or pointed, nor nobody whisper in my ear- mam, you’ve come “undone.”