In December 2012, Penelope Trunk – an American businesswoman, author, blogger, and famed business advice columnist – wrote an inspirational blog post entitled 15 Things Overachievers Do. Myself, having transitioned from a corporate whiz kid to an entrepreneur in the past five years, was particularly intrigued – wishing to compare my own work ethic and qualities to those of a perceived “overachiever”.
Making lists. Taking drugs. Working for free. Selling out. Within moments of reading through the list, I realized that while Penelope was describing the theoretical habits of overachievers, she was also painting a picture of almost every new mom. Certainly, she hit a nerve with me personally; I identified with the need to overachieve, to strive for the best, to be perfect.
But WHY are new moms, by nature, overachievers? Are we programmed to simply want the best for our baby – or, has social pressure amplified our standards of successful parenting? Is second guessing and a guilty conscience part and parcel with raising a child, or do we bring it on ourselves as a side effect of setting the bar too high?
I’ve decided that 15 Things Overachievers Do can effectively be re-written for new moms.
1. “They use lists. High achievers organize their thinking with lists, they organize their time with lists, and when they want to spur their creativity, the best tool they have is to force themselves out of the comfort of their list.”
Have you ever witnessed a new mom count pees, poops and how long baby sleeps? Yeah, we write lists too. We also make a list of every thing we should be doing when we should be sleeping.
2. “They use pharmaceuticals. Adderall is de rigueur for the high-powered jobs in high-powered cities to the point that there is a shortage of available Adderall.”
Big deal. I popped Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle 3 times per day for six months in an effort to keep an ample milk supply. I also had a prescription for domperidone on file in case the herbal remedies didn’t do the trick (thankfully, they did).
3. “They let doors shut all the time. Overachievers know their mom was lying when she said they could be anything. So it’s not that big a deal when they see doors shut.”
A night life. A long, hot shower. A private moment on the toilet. A good night’s sleep. An interrupted meal. These are all the doors I have shut. Without my expressed written consent, mind you.
4. “They talk about their weaknesses. Not in a stupid way, like, “I wish I could not be so perfect.” But in a real way, because every strength comes with weaknesses and we’re not good at everything.”
I couldn’t breastfeed my first. I had no idea how to swaddle a newborn. It took me two months to learn how to burp my baby effectively. Oh, I had weaknesses, and I talked about them. And blogged about them.
5. “They work for free. Internships that are (illegally) unpaid, startups that are not (yet) funded, speeches and blog posts that help you do the (unavoidable) work of building your brand.”
If there is one mother in the history of this world who has ever been compensated for raising her children, I need to know who she is so I can shake her hand. Because at last check, every mom works for free.
Now I could go on, but I’m sure you see my point. There is a time in every mom’s life when she feels pressure to overachieve. And to those new moms, I say this: wait about 18 months, or until your next kid comes along. And then, miraculously, a new feeling washes over you…. it’s called, “Been there, done that.”
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My “pharmaceuticals” for my first few months of motherhood were gingersnap cookies and ginger ale. I read somewhere that ginger helped to produce milk so I loaded up on ginger whenever possible. I’m pretty sure even my breast milk was carbonated at that point!
Hahaha but I bet it had a really exotic influence! I love ginger anything :)
This list is 100% true. My drug of choice in the early days was dessert as my waistline attests to.
Ha! Whatever gets us through the rough patches, right? :)
The list made me chuckle – I was SUCH a list maker and note taker with my first. I can clearly remember one day freaking-the-hell-out in sobs because I realized that the ounces I was writing down were kind of wrong because the drop-ins I was using were really showing the wrong amount (bag vs drop in fitted bottle liners). OMG I was a mess.
Yup and yup.
OMG I used to measure the powder-to-water line to the millimetre with Ryder’s formula! I even sterilized the spoons to stir the mixture…. until I figured out I could just shake the bottle…. D’OH!
I felt so under pressure with my first set of twins to do everything just right that I ended up with severe postpartum depression when my girls couldn’t breastfeed and I felt like I had failed. The girls had terrible colic and, to be honest, my husband and | still have trouble talking about that first year. With my second set, we were so much more go with the flow and ended up enjoying our little guys so much more. As moms, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect but it is so much more important to bond and live in the moment with our kids, because that it what they will remember not if Mommy managed to breastfeed them or kept the cleanest house.
I remember all-too-well the “failure to breastfeed” guilt – it consumed me for months! But then, when I saw how healthy and happy Ryder was, I quickly got over it :)
Oh yes, you bet with my first I did all the above and then some! So funny to think back to those days where EVERYTHING had to be PERFECT. Child #1 – teething toys had to be resterilized when they dropped on the floor. Child #2 – quick rinse under water and its fine. Child #3 – quick rub on my shirt and here you go
Hahaha love it! I can totally relate – I swear Reid has been exposed to a million more microbes than Ryder was :)
I have been doing lists for so long and I can say all are true except I don’t work for free ever, just the way I am, well unless it’s for family
Yeah, that’s the thing about family and motherhood – it’s definitely an unpaid opportunity!
I so remember tracking the feeding and pooping times with my son. Especially since we had to wake him and force feed him every two hours as he would not wake on his own. He did not latch until 6 weeks so it was weeks spent pumping and feeding him from a medicine cup like a kitten. Thankfully things were better with my daughter in that area and I had learned a thing or two from having been there before!
Oh GOD I remember the force feedings… until Reid went through a growth spurt and woke ME up every hour… after that, I never woke him up to feed again!
As my immediate family can attest to – I have a list on my fridge/in my purse, a whiteboard in my kitchen and a bulletin board in our baseboard alongside my computer. OMG things go awry when I run errands and forgot one of these dubious lists. Organization is the key – but truthfully sometimes a little too structured. So today I ripped my “honey do” list and flying by the seat of my pants …starting to sweat already lol….
Hahaha I have those “honey do” lists too, but my husband ALWAYS ignores them!
LOL, Ten years later and I am still trying to break out of this over achiever mode!
Well, it’s not necessarily a BAD thing!
Lists are my life, even now on my eldest daughter’s 29th birthday today! Working free is something I’ve done forever it seems! I’ll definitely check this book out! Thanks!
Happy Birthday to your daughter Anne!
Without lists I’d forget where I put myself! I blame it on hypothyrodism and ‘advancing age’ though :D Overachieving; no clue what that is! lol!
LOL! I still use lists to this day. I feel naked without them!
I can relate to a few of those points, I am famous for my lists!!!
I normally start lengthy e-mails with, “Forgive me for this list….” :)
That list is SO true! And I agree a zillion percent, motherhood is a free job (except being paid in hugs & kisses, which I will TAKE!) lol
LOL LOVE being paid in hugs and kisses!
My daughter just gave birth this morning (Sunday June 30th) to a baby boy. Her 4th (so she definitely has the “been there, done that” down pat). Her hubby is a super dad too, so that really helps. I remember her first baby (12 years ago) – she definitely had most of the things you mentioned happen to her (problems breastfeeding, feelings of inadequacy etc) – I stayed with her for the first 3 months and helped her through them. It is SO true that motherhood (and “Nana-hood”) are free jobs, but really I wouldn’t have it any other way :o)
Huge congratulations to your daughter and your family Flora!! That’s wonderful news!
I recently returned to pursue graduate school where overachievers are abound and I can easily relate those five items you chose to myself and many of my friends, especially 1, 5 and, *ahem*, 2, haha. In the past few years, I’ve seen some of those friends become mothers, and watched them take overachieving to a whole new level! So the good news is that we’re all ‘normal’?
LOL yes, we are all normal :) Now spill it – what exactly has been used for – ahem – 2?? So curious!